The Nasuverse Brotastic Chronicles Shirou
by TypeMoonFreak
Summary: The Tale of Shirou Emiyeah returns!
1. Drunken Memories

This tale followes Shirou Emiyeah and he's a pretty awesome dude. The town he lives in is Fuyuki City. Due to certain circumstances which I'm too lazy to type out the warriors from a Holy Grail War he fought in are now happily living in Fuyuki and just trying to make a living. He lives in a huge Japanese style house with a bunch of girls who are all after his cock, though he suspects it's just to keep their magical energy at top capacity.

Shirou spends his days cooking for the freeloaders in his house, going to school, and getting himself into various shenanigans with the strange new members of the town.

Saber was Shirou's partner in the war. She stuck around because she liked his cooking so much. She mostly spends her time watching the food channel on TV or meditating in the dojo which is next to Shirou's house. Because of certain things that happened when Saber gets angry she undergoes a certain transformation. Her normal blonde hair becomes pale, and her skin even paler. Her clothes magically change to black and her attitude changes from that of a chivalrous knight to a glutton of everything from food to sex. When she gets like this Shirou often ends up in handcuffs while she violates him in whatever way she pleases, though he doesn't really mind that too much.

Rider was the partner of a friend of Shiro's, Matou Sakura. These two lovely girls live at his place as well. Sakura has been after his sweet sweet magical energy longer than anyone else. Sakura has a brother who Shirou go to school with, but he's a dick so I'm not going to go into that. Sakura's inasnely beautiful partner in the war was Rider. Tall, long violet hair, and a great body. Rider's beauty is only offset by her quiet demeanor and love for books and booze.

Archer lives with the local school's idol Tohsaka Rin. The two of them were partners in the war and Archer sticks around because he apparently doesn't have anything better to do. He's a future version of Shirou and he's a cynical jackass who doesn't hesitate to point out what is wrong with everything. He's tried to kill Shirou on more than once occasion, but since he's the protagonist he can't die and end up slapping his shit all the time. Though Rin also likes to slap his shit just because she's an angry person who hates technology.

Lancer is a suave dude who belongs to the priest of the local church by the name of Caren Ortensia. Caren loves to torment people and make them cry. When not doing random things for Caren, Lancer wanders around doing whatever it is he feels like, which means he hits on any girl he sees. He mostly spends his time around the pier fishing, smoking, and drinking. His specialties include being a generally awesome motherfucker and a bro. By awesome motherfucker, I mean he's awesome and will probably try to fuck your mom.

Caster and Assassin live at the Ryuudo Temple. Caster happens to be married to one of Shirou's teachers, and from what he can tell she's a very affectionate waifu even though she hates Shirou's guts. Caster is actually a very beautiful women although she for some unexplained reason has pointed ears like an elf or something. Assassin isn't important, so we can leave him out.

Berseker and Ilya live in a huge castle in a forest outside town. Ilya is older than Shirou, but because she's a homonculus she looks like she's about 10. Which is great news for all the lolicons out there. Berserker is a big block of muscle about 9 feet tall and doesn't say shit. These days he acts as Ilya's watchdog and protects for forest and the castle inside it.

There are a bunch of other characters, but I don't feel like writing any more of this introduction crap. You know who all these people are, and if you don't shame on you. On with the show.

Shirou wakes up in the morning, throws the sheets off of his bed and rapes his maids until they begin to cry just like he does every morning... wait a sec. Wrong protagonist.

Ahem. For real this time I swear.

Shirou's eyes open up to find someone else in his futon sleeping on top of him. Sakura's eyes were still closed and she was breathing evenly. How exactly did it end up like this? He couldn't remember, the last thing he could remember is having a few drinks with Rider and Fuji-nee. After that things got a little blurry, Shirou may have done something with a lampshade and Rin used her Kaleidostick for something it probably shouldn't be used for.

"Aw shit... my head." He groans and rubs his forehead.

"Mmm..." Sakura made a noise and shifted around a little. He lifts up the sheets a little and realizes that she was naked.

"Oh what the fuck is this?"

"Mmm. Senpai?" She woke up slowly and smiled at Shirou.

It took him a little bit by surprise. He was actually kind of hoping he could slip away without her noticing. But the more he thought about it... the more he didn't want to leave. It kinda felt nice. "M-Morning Sakura." He sputters in embarassment.

Sakura beams at Shirou. "That was amazing." She twirled the tip of her finger in a circle on his chest.

"WHAT WAS!" He exclaims in his confusion.

He scrambles out of his futon, thankfully Shirou was fully clothed. That was when he noticed it, shouldn't Sakura's clothes be in here too? "Um, Sakura... where are your clothes?"

Sakura shrugged and rested her chin on her palm. "Dunno." She grinned. She certainly seemed happy in this particular situation.

"God dammit. Just stay here alright? Saber is going to castrate me if she finds out about this." Shirou quickly throws on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and slides open the door to the hallway.

"What must I not find out about Shirou?" The door opened to Saber's face. She had been standing right outside, probably going to drop in and see if Shirou was awake. Her room was only right next door.

"N-nothing. Nothing at all. Sakura is certainly not naked and very satisfied in my room." Telling Saber a very convincing like he acts quick and pushes her back while he quickly shut his door before Saber could look inside.

"Shirou it happened again. I woke up this morning with these strange things in my room..." Saber sounded a bit worried.

"Strange things?"

"Yes. Things like whips and handcuffs... I do not wish to say any more." She sounded embarassed. It was kind of cute. Saber must have turned black last night and went nuts. Shirou couldn't remember if she'd done anything to him or not, but the way things were going it was a distinct possibility.

"Yeah, that's real unfortunate." Shirou has his own problems to deal with right now. Saber is only like that for awhile after she finds out she went black, she'll go back to normal in a couple hours.

Shirou goes into the bathroom and takes a shower. Maybe Rider would be the person to talk to. She was the one that was giving everyone booze, her tolerance seemed pretty good and she was almost never hung over. If anyone knew what happened it was her. Another option would be to just forget anything and go do something else.


	2. Afoot

Last night must have been awesome. It would be a shame if something like that were to be forgotten. Shirou steps out of the shower, throws on some clothes and enters the hallway. Saber is walking through the hallway looking quite angry as she is finishing doing her hair by putting a ribbon in it. She looks at Shirou and glares, stomping through the hallway at him.

"Sup Saber?"

Saber gets pretty close to Shirou and backs him into a wall, her face is now inches away from his. "Would you care to tell me why Sakura is in your room with not a thread of clothing on her?" She growls.

"Well you see what happened was last night I was sleeping quite peacefully. Then I was rudely awakened by these vampire ninjas that busted in my window, Sakura heard the commotion, rushed into my room and threw her clothes at the vampire ninjas. Turns out Vampire Ninjas are weak against certain types of cotton so they burst into flames, taking poor Sakura's clothes with them." Shirou explains sincerely.

"Shirou, that was the least believeable story I have ever heard out of you other than that time you said Taiga and Ilya were signed to a popular record label for their rap songs." Saber put her hands on her hips.

"Hey, time is gonna tell on that one. I'm sure I heard it somewhere. Anyway, what were you doing in my room in the first place?" Shirou asked.

"I can not find my lion... so I was looking for it." Saber looked a bit downtrodden and she started to fidget with her hands a little.

"Well I'll leave you to it then." Shirou starts to walk off. Saber losing her stuffed animal wasn't exactly high on his priority list right now.

"Ah! Shirou wait a minute..." Saber calls after him nervously. Seemed like she was going to ask Shirou for help. Whatever.

"Rider, Rider. Where is that super sexfied Servant at?" Shirou sings as he walks through the halls. She was most likely in the living room, for some odd reason even though she had her own room she ended up passing out on his couch.

Shirou walks into the living room and sees a bare leg hanging over the side. He'd recognize that soft skin and slender leg anywhere. He lowers his body and creeps up towards the back of the couch. If he was quiet enough maybe he can surprise her. "There's a man who lives a life of danger. To every one he meets he stays a stranger~." He sings as quietly as he can as he drops down and creeps along the ground like he's being shot at.

Shirou presses his back against the couch and looks straight up. Rider's leg is hanging right above his head now. So vulnerable. He raises his hands up, prepared to grab Rider's leg and torment her foot. "COOCHY COOCHY COO MOTHERFUCKER!" Shirou springs up and wraps his arm around Rider's leg, tucking it in his armpit while he wiggles his fingers over the bottom of her exposed foot.

"Kyaa!" Rider squeaks rather cutely and begins to squirm helplessly as Shirou ravages her foot. "Noooooo! Stop~!" She cries out in vain.

Large Japanese characters explode everywhere roughly translating to "Tickleing Torture of the North Star"

"ATATATATATATATATATA!" Shirou shouts as he continues his assault. Rider has begun to laugh uncontrollably and is trying to free her leg from Shirou's grasp, which of course is useless because she has no strength because she's laughing too hard.

"No more! Shirou please!" Rider begs between large gasping breaths. She had even begun to sweat a little.

Shirou looks over his shoulder at Rider. She was wearing a pair of stylish denim shorts that ended high up her thighs, and a black t shirt that looked quite ruffled due to her squirming around even exposing her firm looking belly. Her silky purple hair had been thrown everywhere and her glasses were starting to slide off of the bridge of her nose.

Well, Shirou figured he might as well show her a little mercy since he needs her for something. He releases his hold on Rider's leg and turns to face her. "Morning Rider." He greets her and grins widely.

Rider heaves a sigh and pushes her glasses back up on her nose. "That is quite the greeting Shirou, good morning." She greets him back and quickly takes her leg away from him. She picks her book up off the floor, which she must have been reading before Shirou interrupted her.

"So what happened last night? Nobody else remembers and you seem to be immune to hangovers, so naturally I thought you could let me know." Shirou asks her right away.

Rider's eyes drooped a little. "I'm afraid I was affected as well. I don't remember much either, it's a bit embarassing since my butt hurts quite a bit this morning." Her face flushed a little.

"Wait a minute? You got knocked on your ass too? What the hell were we drinking?" Shirou says in complete and utter astonishment. Though the fact that Rider's ass hurt probably is Shirou's fault... at least he kind of hopes that it is. She does have a rather lovely butt.

"Here is one of the bottles." Rider hands him an empty glass bottle from under the couch.

It looked like some kind of Irish import booze with high alcohol content. Wait a sec... Irish? "Rider do you remember where you got this?" Rider was the one that bought all the sake and other kinds of booze for them to drink while Shirou did most of the other shopping.

Rider nodded and crossed her legs, still trying to keep them from him. "Yes, Lancer introduced me to it."

"Was he here last night?"

Rider nodded again. "Yes. I haven't seen him this morning so my guess is that he left last night."

That bastard! "A plot is afoot!" Shirou strikes your fist in the air.

At the word "afoot" Rider tucked her legs under her and sat on them, glaring at him a little.

"By the way Sakura is naked in my room. She needs some clothes."

"And where are you going?" Rider asked.

Shirou jabs his thumb into his chest. "I need to find out what kind of mind boggling ass shaking sex I had last night. So there's one guy that might know about it. This is the duty of a man." He says as his hair blows faintly in the wind even though there's no wind in the house.


	3. No Fury Like A Rider Tickled

"There's one more thing I wanted to tell you before I leave, Rider."

Rider looks up at Shirou from the couch. "What is it Shirou?"

"YOUR STOMACH IS STICKING OUT!" He yells loudly and pounces onto Rider.

"Noooo!" Rider protests and attempts to pull her shirt down, but to no avail since Shirou is already on her and ravaging her smooth stomach with his fingers.

"Hahaha! Have a taste of my power!" He laughs maniacally. Her stomach was quite firm with no excess fat and it was smooth to the touch. He really feels privilaged to be given such a chance to touch it.

Rider is once again squirming around on the sofa laughing uncontrollably. She was still out of breath from the first time so she must really be having a good time now. "Shirou, if you don't stop then I'll make you regret it!" Rider yells at him.

"You're in no position to be threatening! Prepare to be defeated!" Shirou moves his hands and fingers faster, tickling Rider's perfectly formed abs and ribs.

Rider grits her teeth and glares at Shirou. She flings her head backwards, causing her glasses to fly off her face.

"Oh shit..."

Rider raises her head and her strange eyes stare directly into Shirou's. Her jewel like pupils seem to gaze into his very soul and soon he finds that he can't move any part of his body. Rider is panting heavily under him. It feels nice like this but it seems that Shirou pissed her off and she's used her Mystic Eyes to petrify him.

Rider sits up and adjusts her clothing properly, clearly shaking with anger. "I told you to stop Shirou, so you left me with no choice." She says while continuing to glare at him.

Shirou can't say anything back, so he's merely forced to watch as Rider moves him off of her body. Sometimes he forgets how strong she really is because she's so good looking. Unfortunately there's also no one to show up and calm Rider down. Sakura must still be naked in Shirou's room waiting like he told her to. Saber is probably still looking for her lost stuffed animal, and he can only assume that Rin and Archer went home last night since they weren't here this morning. Fuji-nee and Ilya also have not made their way to the house yet. He has no choice but to accept Rider's punishment.

Rider picks Shirou up and carries him outside under her arm. She picks a nice spot on the lawn near the gate and places him there. Shirou's eyes move and plead with her but Rider is in no mood to listen to anything. She turns and walks away from you, her long hair swaying as she walks back into the house and shuts the door without even bothering to look back. It is here in this spot near the shed that Shirou lives out the rest of his days as decoration for his own lawn.

BAD END.

...Loading Tiger Dojo.

"Osu! Welcome to the first Tiger Dojo! As you know I am Fujimura Taiga Sensei!" Fujimura-sensei introduces herself, smacking the tip of her shenai on the floor of the dojo.

"Ilyasviel von Einsbern here!" Ilya salutes and strikes a rather cute pose in her bloomers and gym shirt.

"You should learn how far you should go. Some people might like to be tickled but when someone tells you to stop you probably should, or bad things might happen to you." Fujimura-sensei explains with a fierce expression.

"Sensei! I like being tickled!" Ilya shouts cheerfully and jumps into the air.

Fujimura-sensei hits Ilya on the head with a loud whack. "That has nothing to do with anything loli buruma!"

"Ow..." Ilya complains and rubs her head.

"Finding about what kinds of things happened the previous night is a good idea, but you should be careful and remember that Rider-san isn't a normal girl. Playing with girls is great, but remember that they're delicate." Fujimura-sensei explains as though she has some experience in the mater.

"Or you could forget everything and play with me!" Ilya says with a hopefull expression.

"Right! Now that you know you can actually get Bad Ends here as a measure to keep things going you will now automatically reload after the previous choice. This is the only time it will happen, so be careful in the future!" Fujimura-sensei explains.

"If you fail too much it means you suck. Because you would suck so much you would have to restart from Day 1 or load a previous save!" Ilya puts her hands on her hips to show her seriousness.

"Don't fool us and try to play it safe either. If you do that the author will get mad at you for not making things interesting enough and you might recieve punishment." Fujimura-sensei explains while shaking her finger.

"Good luck next time and try not to suck so much!"

WHACK!

"Watch your language loli-buruma!"

"Yes Sensei..."

"Stay tuned and be on the lookout for the next chapter! Bye bye for now!" Fujimura-sensei waves with a bright smile.


	4. Follow The Booze

Shirou walks to the front door of his house and puts his hand on the handle.

"Oh right, there is one thing I wanted to tell you before I left." He turns around to Rider who is still laying on the couch.

"What is it Shirou?"

"Sakura is naked in my room. It would be great if you could get some clothes for her. As sexy as she is it would be a bit hard on me if she were to walk around here naked for the rest of the day." He explains, however he gets a serious sense of deja vu. It was like he'd already been here once but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"Well I don't think she would mind too much, but as you say it's probably a good idea." Rider opened up her book to the page where she left off.

Whatever. Rider mumbles something that sounds like, "You should be more worried about me since my mana has been low lately." Shirou ignores her and goes outside.

"Ah shit." The sun burns into Shirou's eyes so brightly he has to shield them with his hand. He almost forgot about his hangover, the minute he steps outside his head starts to throb. He bears it pretty easily and heads towards the bus station.

Luckily it's the weekend so Shirou doesn't have school today which was pricisely what was able to allow Rider to convince Shirou to drink with her last night. The pier was a short ride on the bus, Lancer would no doubt be there.

"Arrrgh. Fuck off!" Shirou yells up at the sun and shakes his fist at it. Which of course does no good at all. He gets off the bus at the downtown station, he walks across the street from it and enters the store to buy some sunglasses.

"Oh, Emiya." Shirou is greeted by Issei who was just leaving the store, wearing a stylish jacket and an even more stylish pair of sunglasses.

"Sup Issei." Shirou walks forward and the two of them bump knuckles in an extremely brotastic fashion which mades every woman within 100 meters cream their pants.

"It's rare to see you out alone Emiya. What brings you out this way?"

"A lot of things seem to have happened last night. The problem is I don't remember any of them." Shirou explains while turning his back on the sun after flipping the bird at it.

"I see. So you're on a mission to regain your lost memories?" As usual, Issei speaks strangely.

"Absolutley. A man can not let a memory of such an awesome night go to waste. It is my sworn duty to find those lost memories. To do that I am doing what my father always taught me."

"Become a hero wasn't it?" Issei asked.

"Huh? Hero? Where did you hear that garbage? "Follow the booze Emiya Shirou." That is what he always told me." He clenches his fist meaningfully.

"You had a troubled childhood didn't you?"

He shrugs. "Nah it wasn't that bad."

"Well, I guess I'll help you out since it seems like a noble cause." Issei take his sunglasses off his face and holds them out for Shirou. "You were going to buy a pair anyway right?"

He nods and takes them from Issei. "Thanks man, I owe you one."

ITEM ACQUIRED!

Badass Sunglasses of +1 headache resistance.

Shirou slips the sunglasses on his face and instantly feel his headache due to light sensitivity going away. "Fuck yeah."

"Now you are ready. Go Emiya Shirou. Go and fullfil your destiny!" Issei urges him onward and the two of them part ways with another brofist, the force of which made the skirts of all women within a 100 meter radius fly up for a split second. What a glorious second that was.

Shirou returns to the bus station and take the bus to the pier. The air at the pier is salty but at the same time sort of refreshing. There's a decent market for fish here too as there are a few people in Fuyuki who provide fish for the local shops in town. There is one guy whoever who only spends his time here catching fish because he doesn't have anything better to do. He doesn't often keep any unless they are really big, Shirou suspects he just like the ones that fight.

And it wasn't long before he spotted him at the end at one of the piers. Hawaiian style shirt, tight jeans, long ponytail hair. Yep. Definately Lancer. He's sitting down with a pole in his lap, and a couple cans of beer next to him. In his teeth he held a lit cigarette.

Apparently he heard Shirou's loud feet padding across the wooden pier as he approached him. Lancer turned his head to face Shirou.

"There he is." Lancer put his pole down and grins at him widely.

"You crazy bastard, I should drink with you guys more often. Why didn't you ever tell me it was that great?" Lancer laughs and claps Shirou on the back, and wraps his arm around Shirou's neck.

"That's just the thing. I can't remember jack. I was hoping you could tell me exactly what went down." Shirou says while shrugging off Lancer's arm.

"What? Seriously? You don't remember anything?" Lancer leans forward.

"Well, I think I put a lamp shade on my head and watched Rin do dirty things with her kaleidostick but after that I don't remember much." Shirou says as he scratches his head, a bit embarassed.

Lancer sighed. "Fukkin' lightweights man." He smacked his hand against his face. "When I saw that crap Rider was buying I just had to invervene a little. That girl can sure drink but the rest of you are practically kids."

"You going to tell me what happened or not?"

"I only saw about as much as you did. I got the hell out of there when Saber started to chase me around your house with a pair of handcuffs and a stuffed lion. You see I'm a guy that doesn't like to be tied down. Saber isn't exactly my type either." Lancer shrugged.

"How did Saber get so pissed off?"

"Oh right. It seems like Rin beat her in a game of mahjong." Lancer said after thinking for a moment.

"What? That's it?" Shirou says in disbelief.

"Eight times."

Shirou scratches his cheek and chuckles a bit. "Yeah, that might do it." Saber was pretty competitive. Losing once might not bother her but if she lost quite a few times in a row like that? That would potentially set her off.

Seems like Lancer doesn't know anything. Shirou heaves a disappointed sigh. "Man, I thought for sure you'd know something."

"Sorry kid. If it were me I'd ask Saber."

"Saber? Why her?"

"Well, as far as I know she drank the least out of everyone there. There's no guaranteees but it might be worth checking out. Then again, I didn't see Archer drink that much either." Lancer scratched his chin. "Whatever, I'll leave that up to you kid. I've got better things to do than play 20 questions with you all day. Lancer said as he returned to his fishing spot and sat down next to his pile of empty beer cans.

Well now at least Shirou has a couple options. Though Saber seemed kind of busy earlier and Archer is an asshole so Shirou would rather not talk to him if he can help it. However if Archer does in fact have answers Shirou can't just leave it be.


	5. Sweet Bread Is Forever

At this rate Shirou figures he might as well go home and talk to Saber. It would take about 15 minutes by bus. Now that it ocurred to him, he didn't make breakfast this morning with everything that had happened. "Shit, Saber is going to be pissed." Not only her, but Fuji-nee and Ilya probably arrived while he was gone too. Thankfully there was still time to make it up to them.

Shirou gets off the bus and starts to walk towards the food stores. Saber and the others should forgive him if he buys them a nice treat.

"Thanks a lot Mitsuzuri."

"Come again Emiya!" She bows politely as he walks out the store with a bag filled with sweet bread.

Seems like she got a job working a the bread store Shirou frequents. Well she is a cute girl, albeit a bit tomboyish much like a certain other girl you know. She did look pretty good in that store apron though.

"Shirou!" His name was called as soon as he entered the house and before he knew it there was a small girl with long white hair hanging off of his neck.

"Morning Ilya." Shirou peels her off of him and sets her on the ground.

"Shirou where have you been? Sakura made breakfast all by herself." Ilya frowns at him.

"Sorry about that, I had some things I had to take care of early this morning."

"Is that Shirou?" Fuji-nee's voice called from the living room. She got up and trotted over to him. "You shouldn't just leave Sakura-chan like that." She shakes her finger at him.

Shirou shrugs. "Sakura's a big girl, she can handle herself every once in awhile." It didn't seem like Rider has moved much since he left, or she went back into the exact same position after breakfast. Either way she was spread out on the couch right where he'd left her. "Has Rin been by yet?" He asks Fuji-nee.

"No I haven't seen her."

"Well whatever. Where's Saber?" Shirou asks her again.

"Saber is around here somewhere. She's been walking around the house looking for something all morning." Sakura said as she walked out of the kitchen.

"That means Shirou is free to play with me!" Ilya said with great enthusiasm as she jumps on him and hugs his neck again.

"Whoa whoa, don't get ahead of yourself kiddo." Shirou pulls the reluctant loli off of him and set her on the ground again.

"Awww why?" She complains and looks up at him with big puppy dog eyes.

"Onii-chan has something important to talk to Saber about. But I'm sure Fuji-nee would love to play with you." Shirou says as he pats Ilya on the head.

"You know I'm older than you right?" Ilya pouts as Shirou walks by her and goes into the side hallway passed the dining room where Fuji-nee sits munching on crackers.

"I got some sweet bread for lunch, so don't spoil your appetite with that." Shirou says and grabs a cracker out of Fuji-nee's fingers and tosses it into his mouth.

"Hey, I was going to eat that!" She calls after him.

Saber is probably in her room. Luckily it's right next to Shirou's so he doesn't have to walk too far.

He knocks a couple times. "Saber, you in there?"

"Oh." Shirou hears a faint voice from inside followed by a lot of rustling around. "Is that you Shirou?" Saber's voice came from inside the room.

"No, it's the other guy that lives here. Yes it's me. Can I come in?"

"Yes, just a moment." Shirou then hears the sound of more objects rustling around before the door to Saber's room slides open and she's soon standing in front of him. "Please come in."

"Whoa, you really tore this place up." As he steps inside Saber's room Shirou sees that her normally spotless floor is covered with all manner of clothes and other things were strewn about haphazzardly.

"I am sorry about the mess. I am still unable to find my lion even though I have been looking for it all morning." Saber hung her head sadly.


	6. Saber Ending

Shirou watches Saber fumble around for a few moments and clear some space in her room. She looked like she was pretty upset, her face was downtrodden and her movements were a lot more sluggish than normal. After clearing a few things off of her futon she sat down on it and heaved a disappointed sigh while slumping her shoulders.

"Hey, I could help you find it if you want." She seems really bent out of shape about that stuffed animal. She probably won't want to talk about Shirou's wacky antics last night in this kind of mood so he figured he might as well help her out.

Saber perked up a little bit. "Would you? It seems that I have looked everywhere but with your assistance I am sure we can find it." She smiled.

"Don't mention it. Where have you looked so far?" Shirou asks. Since she's been searching all morning he figures it would be a good idea to find out exactly where she went, though he still had no idea where to start looking for the damn thing.

Saber had begun to explain that she'd looked in her room, the laundry room, Sakura's room, Rider's room, the living room, and even the kitchen. "I do not think it would be in your room, but I did not want to go through your things..."

"Let's check the guest room. The chances of it being there are pretty low but it wouldn't hurt to look anyway." Shirou jerks his thumb towards through the door and extends a hand to help Saber up.

Saber takes his hand and he helps her up. With her in tow Shirou heads through the hallway passes the living room where Sakura and Rider are on the couch together watching TV. Fuji-nee and Ilya weren't there anymore, they must have left together. The hallways on the other end of the house held Rider's room, Sakura's room, and the guest room which used to be occupied by Rin. Since Rin moved out the guest room sits empty. Shirou opens the door and ushers Saber inside before he steps in after her. It looks pretty much the same as Rin left it, minus all her stuff.

"I'll check the desk, you can go check the closet." He says as he walks over to the desk. Well it wasn't on top of the desk but he opens the drawers just in case Rin stuffed it in there as a joke or something.

"Shirou, the closet is completely empty." Saber stepped back and presented her findings like Vana White on the Wheel of Fortune. The closet was indeed as bare as Ilya's chest.

"Well I guess there's just one more place to look." Shirou kneels down on the ground and flips up the skirt on the bed. Maybe he should have asked Gilgamesh to help out, he's pretty good at flipping up skirts.

"It couldn't possibly be there could it?" Saber asks.

"Nah, it's not here." Shirou stands back up.

Then something hit him, something that he probably should have asked.

"Have you asked Sakura or Rider where it is? Maybe they know."

Saber shook her head. "I have not. I was so flustered when I realized that I had lost it I started searching immediately." She blushed a little, clearly embarassed.

"Yeah, I thought so." He stifles a laugh. The poor girl must be really losing it without that stuffed lion. Shirou grabs Saber's hand and leads her back to the living room.

"Oh, hello Senpai." Sakura turns around on the couch to face him. In front of Rider is a bag of potato chips, she takes one and EATS IT while waving at Shirou non-chalontly.

"Hey Sakura. It seems like Saber lost her lion. You or Rider wouldn't happen to know where it is would you?" He asks as Saber fidgets with her hands while standing next to him.

"Yeah, I washed it and it's in the dryer now." Sakura said like it was nothing.

"What? Really?" No way it's that easy. Saber has been looking for that stupid thing all morning and she even said she checked the laundry room. Could she really have missed that?

"Why was is it being washed? I do not think it was dirty." Saber asked.

"Well, someone painted it black. It looked kinda scary like that so I washed it." Sakura shrugged.

"Thanks Sakura." Shirou thanks her and heads towards the laundry room with Saber trotting gingerly behind him. For obvious reasons he really isn't allowed to do laundry so most of what goes on in there goes beyond Shirou's notice.

He enters the laundry room and Saber immediately trots over and opens the dryer which is not currently running. The instant she does a faint smile appears on her face. She bends down, reaches in and pulls out a perfectly clean fluffy lion doll with brown fur. After retriving it she stands back up and holds it against her chest with both of her arms while smiling brightly at Shirou.

"Thank you Shirou." She says with as much happiness as she can muster, her eyes practically shining.

"Yeah sure thing. Since I helped you out would you mind telling me what happened last night?" He asks, getting back to the reason he's here in the first place.

"I believe events like that are best forgotten Shirou..." Saber's face instantly turned as red as a lobster. It seems she wouldn't budge on the issue.

Well whatever, at this point he figures finding something out like that is more trouble than it's worth anyway. Shirou looks at Saber, happily holding the lion against her chest and looking down at it. "Why do you love that thing so much anyway?" He asks curiously.

Saber hugs the stuffed lion a bit tighter to her chest and looks up at him, her face positively brimming with happiness as she smiles and pats the lion on the head. "It's because you bought it for me Shirou."

SIDE QUEST COMPLETE!

EXP gained - 2000

Level up! Shirou Emiyeah is now Level 2!

Tiger Stamp obtained!

Saber points gained!

Rider points lost!

Ilya points lost!

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: (Yes these do matter... kinda...maybe.)

Archer - Poor

Assassin - A.k.a. Sir Not Appearing In This Fanfiction

Berserker - Normal

Caster - Poor

Gilgamesh - Mongrel

Lancer - Normal

Rider - Normal -5

Saber - Excellent +10

Sakura - Good

Ilya - Normal -5

Fuji-nee - Normal

Rin - Normal

Issei - Bro

Shinji - Normal

Caren - Normal

Bazzett - Normal

Ayako - Normal

CURRENT INVENTORY:

Street clothes - +1 style

Sunglasses - +1 headache prevention and +10 style

Saving progress... saved.

...Loading Tiger Dojo

"Welcome to your second Tiger-Dojo!" Fujimura-sensei smacks her sword on the floor of the dojo.

"Aww why are we here again? Did Shirou screw up again?" Ilya tilts her head, a bit confused.

"Well yes and no." Fujimura-sensei's head droops. "This is just one of a couple endings for this section. The main quest was not completed since you chose to help Saber out."

"It seems like Shirou is pretty weak against her huh sensei?" Ilya giggles.

"Indeed my young pupil. One must not underestimate Saber's appeal. There were three seperate endings to this section, only one of which ended in actually completing the main quest." Fujimura-sensei shrugs her shoulders.

"Well can we go back?"

WHACK!

"Not a chance loli-buruma. A man should stick by his desicions." Fujimura-sensei puffs out her chest.

"Ow... did you really have to hit me?"

"Absolutley."

"This section was kinda short wasn't it?" Ilya looked a little disappointed.

"Yep, Shirou completely ignored you this time. Isn't it sad?"

"I'm not going to be another Sacchin am I?" Ilya exclaimed with worry.

Fujimura-sensei pats Ilya on the head. "I'm sure your time will come. Until then, see you next time~!"

"Waaaaaait! I want more screen time!"


	7. Appeal

Unfortunately Shirou's adventures in the morning yielded little results in figuring out what went down last night. He even skipped breakfast which is pretty rare for him, but hell he had important things to do. Though everyone else was a bit upset with him for not being around to cook.

He makes it up to everyone by making lunch with Sakura. Ilya and Fuji-nee magically showed up for lunch, though he has no idea where they came from. Damn freeloaders. Rin has still not appeared, he presumes she's still at home.

After lunch the girls sat at the table drinking tea, and Shirou presents them with sweet bread he bought while he were out.

"Don't think I'll forgive you with just this Shirou!" Ilya tossed her hair and took a large bite.

"You shouldn't hold a grudge Ilyasviel. I think this is good enough to forget Shirou's harassment just this once." Rider replied with a book in one hand and her bread in the other. Seems Shirou has figured out another of Rider's weaknesses.

"Don't worry Ilya, I'll make it up to you sometime. Maybe." Shirou scratches his head, debating if he'll actually do it or not.

"I know you will." Ilya grinned devilishly, which kinda makes Shirou scared.

"By the way Shirou, did you find Lancer?" Rider asked.

"Yeah but he didn't have anything interesting to say. I haven't seen Rin yet, I guess I could go bug her about it."

"That man can be rather troublesome. It seems that he will try and sleep with any woman that crosses his path." Saber said as she ate her bread.

"He hasn't said a word to me..." Fuji-nee complained.

"You just have to show some appeal." Sakura chimed in.

"Appeal?" Fuji-nee tilted her head curiously.

Sakura nodded. "Yeah, you have to look sexy for a change instead of wearing that same old kind of thing all the time."

"I look plenty sexy! Isn't that right Shirou?" Fuji-nee turns to him.

"I'm not touching that one." It was just after lunch so there was still plenty of time for Shirou to enjoy his weekend before he had to go back to school for the week. Might as well do it up big.


	8. Snap Into A Pillow Fight

And so Shirou has been kidnapped by Ilya. He said he'd play with her, but he hadn't planned on it so soon. He doesn't remember exactly how he got into her mansion, or even leaving home for that matter. Anyway he comes to his senses in the entryway greeted by Sella and Leysritt who are staring at him awkwardly. Stuff like this happens all the time, at this point Shirou figures it's best just to roll with it.

"Uhh... hi." He waves at them.

"..." Sella looks at him suspiciously.

"Hello." Leys greets him with a smile at least.

A few moments of silence pass by... very awkwardly. "So uhh... how's it hanging?"

"The chandalier is hanging just fine." Sella replies still awkwardly.

Leys just giggles.

"Well, I'm going to go find Ilya. I'll see you two later... I guess?" Man, those girls are hard to talk to. Shirou walks off leaving the two maids behind, for some reason or another Ilya left him in their care while she was off doing who knows what.

As Shirou explores the ground floor he hears footsteps, he looks behind him to see the two maids following him. Then something else catches his attention, he hears what sounds like a tv going. "Don't tell me she's watching cartoons or something?" Shirou mumbles and follows the noise.

He reaches what looks like a living room where the sound of the tv is coming from. He sees no tv, instead sitting on the floor is a gigantic hunk of Servant. The reason he can't see the tv is because Berserker is sitting in front of it.

"..." He turns to Shirou and growls.

"I was brought here I swear!" He can't talk, but at least he can understand Shirou doesn't want to be horribly torn appart right?

"..." He narrows his eyes at Shirou and takes a large bite out of the Slim Jim in his hand but thankfully does not get up. He looks like an angry two ton gorrilla.

"He really likes those Slim Jims for some reason, ever since he saw that commercial with Randy Savage in it." Shirou hears a voice next to him that didn't belong to Sella nor Leys.

He looks down and finds Ilya standing next to him. "Where have you been?"

"Freshening up." Ilya says while swaying back and forth cutely. She then grabs Shirou's collar and pulls his face down next to hers. "I'm not wearing any underwear." She whispers in his ear.

"Ha ha yeah... wait what?" Shirou jerks back, confused yet aroused at the same time.

"You wanna see?" Ilya slowly begins to hike up her skirt.

"NO! NO! I DON'T WANNA TAKE A SEAT OVER THERE!" Shirou shields and averts his eyes.

"Just kidding." Ilya says playfully.

"Really?" He takes a good look at Ilya who has hiked up her skirt revealing her panties with a bear printed on the front... probably the back too.

"You look disappointed Shirou." Ilya grins evily and hides her hands behind her back.

"Not really..."

"Hiya!" Ilya produces a pillow she'd somehow hidden behind her back and slaps Shirou across the face with it.

"Oi, what's that for?" He rubs his face and looks down at Ilya. It didn't really hurt, but he hams it up anyway.

"It's a pillow fight, Onii-chan." Ilya laughs happily and runs off. It seems she wants him to chase her.

Shirou hears a growl behind him and turns around to witness something a little strange. The commercials ended on the tv and the theme song of the show "Dave The Barbarian" started playing which Bersker had started singing along with. Well, Shirou uses the term "singing" lightly since the only thing coming out of Berserker's mouth were low growls in between bites of his Slim Jims. Either way he seems to be enjoying himself quite a bit.


	9. It's a Trap Maybe

"NOBODY SMACKS ME AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! PREPARE YOUR BODY ILLYASVIEL VON EINSBERN, I COME FOR YOU!" Shirou roars after Ilya, he turns around and snatches one of the pillows off of the couch and runs after her passed the two maids who eye him curiously.

Shirou hears Ilya's giggling echoing through the mansion as he chases her in the direction of the noise. She moves awefully fast for having those short little legs. "Onii-chan, this way!" Her voice echoed from what sounded like one of the side hallways on the second floor.

He senses a trap. It would be just like her. Shirou carefully goes up the steps, carefully testing each one before putting his full wait on it. He half expected the staircase to open up into a slide leading into a dungeon. "Onii-chan!" Her voice called again.

"ILLYA THAT'S REALLY CREEPY!"

She answers him with more giggles. This isn't Silent Hill dammit. Well whatever, at least the lights were still on. Shirou turns down the hallway her voice was coming from. The hallway was long and had expensive looking red carpet leading down the length of it. There were many doors on the right side. He approaches the first one and flings it open.

"Gotcha!" Shirou yells and prepares his pillow for attack. However the room is empty. It looks like a guest room or something, maybe one of the maids' rooms. Shirou enters the room and looks it over. Under the bed? Nope. Behind the door? Nope. All that was left was the closet, the doors creak open.

"Weeee!" Ilya exclaims excitedly as she pops out of the closet, smacks Shirou across the face with a pillow and slides in between his legs and out into the hallway all the while giggling happily.

She ran the other direction so Shirou quickly turns around and goes after her. He sees her small form running down the hallway, she looks back at him, gasps and runs faster passed the stairs to the opposite wings of the house. After a few steps she trips and falls over.

"Owww." She curls into a ball and holds her knee. Her crimson eyes hold tears at the edges.

Shirou stops and observes her, something doesn't seem quite right.

"Uuuuuu." Ilya whines. She seems to be crying. Maybe she really did hurt herself.


	10. Berserker Airlines

Shirou cautiously approaches the seemingly injured loli whining on the ground.

"You alright Ilya?" Shirou asks her.

"It hurts..." She whines and shows him her knee a couple of tears stream from her crimson eyes.

Holy crap, that actually looks pretty bad. There's a gash in her knee that's leaking a little bit of blood. Shirou looks around for what might have caused it and he spots a nail that's sticking up a bit out of the wooden floor. She must have tripped and hit her knee on it. Shirou starts feel pretty bad for even suspecting that she wasn't hurt.

"..." Shirou then hears a loud roar and thundering footsteps as Berseker runs into the entryway and looks up at Shirou from the bottom of the staircase. It seems he sensed Ilya was hurt.

Shirou scoops Ilya up off the ground and turns to face the hulking Servant behind him. "Ilya fell and hurt herself. I'm just going to take care of it, so relax." Shirou calmly says to him. Even though the fucker was taller than him and could punch him in half if he had a mind to.

"OH YEAH!" Berserker roared in a voice that sounded curiously like Randy Savage and gives Shirou a thumbs up in approval before turning around to return to Dave the Barbarian. CRISIS AVERTED!

The fuck? Did Berserker just talk? Well whatever, Shirou's got more important things to worry about. He carries the crying Ilya to the nearest bathroom and sets her down on the toilet before rummaging around for bandaids and such.

"You were pretty cool back there Onii-chan, standing up to Berserker like that." Ilya sniffles but actually looks pretty happy now.

"My cute little sister was injured. I'll stand up to God himself if I have to." Shirou finds some disinfectant and baindaids in the cabinet.

Ilya smiles at him.

"This is gonna hurt a bit, just try and relax alright?" He tells her and sprays some of the disinfectant on her knee before putting a baindaid over it. Ilya flinches a little at first as Shirou sprays her knee.

Ilya hops to her feet. "Thanks Onii-chan, but I don't feel like running around much anymore." She says to him.

"What do you want to do now then? I'm pretty much yours for the day I guess." Shirou asks her as the two of them walk back out into the hallway.

"You should play with Berserker a little bit too. Lately all he does is sit around and watch tv, I'm getting a little worried about him."

Shirou's eye twitches a little at her suggestion. "Mind running that by me again?"

Ilya whistles. This isn't gonna be good.

"OHHHH YEAAAAH!" Shirou hears a bellowing roar and Berserker is now charging up the stairs at jo, with what looks like an entire bed mattress.

"Awesome! Is that one of those TempurPedic ones? I hear those are really ni-AAHHHHHHH!" Before he realizes it he seems to have been knocked through the large window at the top of the stairs and is now flying through the air. Shirou vaguely catches the impression of his body still in the mattress.

Shirou somehow manages to fly all the way back into town where he lands harmlessly in a convieniently placed mattress factory several miles away on top of a pile of very soft mattresses.

"Kid? That you?" Shirou hears a familiar voice. He opens his eyes to find Lancer standing over him and eyeing him curiously.

"Sup Lancer." Shirou greets him casually and sits up.

"Man, I always run into you in the strangest places." Lancer sighs.


	11. Funk, On!

Rolling his body back, Shirou springs up on his hands and pushes off the ground, landing perfectly on his feet. "What are you doing here anyway?" He asks Lancer curiously, acting like advanced acrobatics was no big deal at all.

"Kid I work here. What are YOU doing here?" Lancer raises his eyebrows at Shirou.

He shrugs. "Oh you know, just figured I'd drop in. I thought you worked at the flower shop?"

"Nah, that's only on the weekends to pick up chicks. You wouldn't believe the things I've seen in that store." He pats Shirou on the back.

"Yeah, probably not. I hear Caster shops there, you seen her lately?" Shirou asks out of curiosity.

Lancer flinches. "Hell no. That woman scares the crap out of me." He takes a flask out of the pocket in his jeans and takes a swig.

"So the mighty Lancer is afraid of a girl? Lancer the playboy? The Blue Panther of Fuyuki?" Shirou grins and jabs him with his elbow.

"Shut up and get the hell out of here before I decide to stab you." He pushes Shirou away.

"Whatever. Catch you later then. I'll tell Caster you said hello, I bet she'll get a kick out of that." Shirou walks away from Lancer and kicks open the front door and walks outside.

The sun was setting outside. He hadn't realized it was this late, might as well head home. Gotta feed the harem after all.

"Funk, On!" Shirou activates his magic circuits and goes through the magic MP3 player in his head and hit shuffle. The occasion calls for some awesome walking music.

"Oooh, that's my jam." A disco beat starts playing in his head.

"AND SO YOU'RE BACK, FROM OUTER SPACE. I JUST WALKED IN TO FIND YOU HEAR WITH THAT SAD LOOK UPON YOUR FACE!" He sings to the beat, spins around, and starts to disco walk home into the sunset.

"YOU THINK I'D CRUMBLE? THINK I'D LAY DOWN AND DIE? OH NO NOT I! I WILL SURVIVE! HEY HEY!"

DAY 1 COMPLETE!

2000 EXP points gained.

Level up! Shirou Emiyeah is now Level 3!

Ilya points gained!

Berserker points gained!

RELATIONSHIPS UPDATED!

Relationship with Ilya is now GOOD!

Relationship with Berserker is now GOOD!


	12. FIIIIIIISH!

Waking up in the morning, Shirou realizes that he forgot to take off his sparkly sequined glove. "Oh right, I moonwalked home last night after being slapped by Berserker…" He jumps to his feet and realizes that he is somehow naked.

"SAKURAAAAAAAA!"

"Morning Senpai." Sakura slides the door open and pokes her head in the room, a small amount of drool drips down her chin upon seeing Shirou's throbbing man meat.

"What the shit have you done with my clothes?" Shirou whips around, almost smacking Sakura in the face with his morning erection.

Sakura giggles mischievously. "What makes you think I had anything to do with it?"

"ISN'T IT ALWAYS YOU!"

"How do you know it wasn't the dog?"

Shirou sighs. "Because Lancer doesn't usually come to this side of town." He then leans close to Sakura's face and glares at her. His rage making his pupils turn into a raging inferno. "Where. Are. My. Clothes."

Sakura merely grins and licks the tip of Shirou's nose.

"I AM SO GOING TO BRAIN YOU!" Shirou roars.

Sakura points downward at Shirou's still raging love rocket with a longing look on her face. "I won't mind if you do it with that." She says seductively.

"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GONNA GET IT NOW!" Shirou leaps at her with his arms outstretched, growling like Berserker after Ilya makes him shut off the TV.

Sakura dances gracefully out of the way, causing Shirou to land flat on his face in the hallway. Shirou gets up and Sakura begins to trot gingerly down the long hallway.

"HERE COMES THE PAIN!" Shirou roars and he begins to pursue Sakura down the hallway.

"Eeek. Please be gentle Senpai." Sakura squeals and poorly fakes a girl in distress and continues to run from Shirou.

"GET YOUR FAT ASS BACK HERE!"

In the living room, Saber and Rider had just seen a naked Shirou chase Sakura through the room and into the opposite hallway.

"It seems Shirou is awake." Saber said casually as she elegantly sipped her morning tea.

"Indeed." Rider replied.

_About an hour and at least fifteen more penis jokes later…_

"Hey, Senpai. I had a good idea for lunch!" Sakura says cheerfully as she approaches a now fully clothed Shirou lazing around on the couch.

"What?" Shirou sits up and finds Sakura holding something secretively behind her back.

Sakura produces something large and shiny from behind her back. It was a large trout, probably about 3 feet long. Her lips curl into a jagged smile and her mouth opened wide like a shark's. Her eyes rolled slowly back into her head as her jaw unhinged like a snake's.

"FIIIIIISH!" Sakura moaned horrifically like some undead monster and sunk her teeth into the fish which began to flap about wildly, its lidless eyes stared at Shirou as if screaming for help.

"NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOO! NOT THE FISH! THAT POOR DEFENSELESS TROUT! HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING!"

Shirou sat bolt upright and began to scream like a madman. After he realized it had all been a dream he wiped the sweat off his head and plopped his head back down on the couch. "Dude, I gotta stop drinking Nyquil…"

"Senpai? Are you okay?" Sakura came running into the room and knelt in front of the couch by him. "Do you need a massage?" She grinned hopefully and started to unzip his pants.

Shirou pushed Sakura off and jumped up all in a single motion. "I'm still pissed at you, fuck off." He growled at her.

"That's the idea!" Sakura said cheerfully.

"I'm going outside to get some fresh air." Shirou began to walk to the front door.

"Oh yeah, I was going to make sushi for lunch. So look forward to it!" She said as she watched Shirou open the door and then stop dead in his tracks.

Shirou felt the blood vessels in his eyes pop one by one. The vein on his forehead began to throb uncomfortably like that time he saw Saber in a maid outfit, though that wasn't exactly his forehead throbbing. "What. The fuck. Did you just say?" The bones in Shirou's neck creaked loudly as he turned his head backwards.

Sakura tilted her head. "Sushi. I'm making it for lunch."

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Shirou's head began to spin around in an inhuman-like fashion as he recalled that fucked up dream he'd had earlier. From his throat came the screams of a thousand damned souls as he ran out of the house and slammed his front door behind him.

"Son of a bitch… I'm going out for lunch." He sighed.


	13. Justice

Later that day, after tying up Sakura in a very provocative position and leaving her in her room as payback for her shenanigans that morning, Shirou retreated outside and sat on his doorstep to enjoy the nice weather.

Outside Shirou saw Rider in full combat mode, swinging her daggers through the air like she was practicing.

"What are you doing? It's not like you need to fight anyone anymore." Shirou asked casually as he watched Rider dance around.

"If I don't keep my skills up if I can't protect Sakura." Apparently she hadn't found out that Shirou had bound and gagged her yet. "And it's not like we can rely on Saber, who has gotten lazy. Probably because you pamper her too much." Rider added unnecessarily.

"Well she IS a King." Shirou scratched the back of his head. After a few minutes of watching Rider he got bored and figured he may as well have a little fun.

"You know, your moves are getting pretty stale, Rider." Shirou mentioned casually.

"Stale? Are you saying my skills have dulled?" Rider stopped instantly to listen.

"Well no, I'm just saying that you might want to come up with something new. If someone were to be watching you right now, someone like Caster or Archer could probably learn all your techniques in an instant." Shirou waved his finger around as he explained with a fake seriousness.

"What do you suggest I do then?" Rider stepped forward seriously.

Shirou leaned backwards and stared into the house where Saber was watching something on TV. "I happen to know a secret technique I could teach you." Shirou said with a grin.

"You do?" Rider put her hand on her hip and frowned, unconvinced.

Shirou stood to his feet triumphantly. "Of course I do. It is the Ultimate Technique. Your enemy will be unable to stand before it!"

"Why haven't you ever used it before?" Rider asked with a glare. "If you are lying to me, I am not amused."

Shirou held up his hands. "What would I gain from lying to you? I've never used it before because a good opportunity hasn't arisen."

"Would you teach me this Ultimate Technique of yours?" Rider asked.

Shirou nodded with a wide grin on his face. "Of course! Only on one condition though."

"What would that be?" Rider asked curiously.

"Get on your knees and say "I'm a dirty girl, and I like riding Shirou's sword.""

Shirou immediately had to dodge to the side as one of Rider's daggers flew passed him and stuck itself in the side of the house.

"Right, right. I'm kidding. Don't go all crazy on me."

Rider pulled on the chain and returned the dagger to her hand. "So what must I do?"

"Before that, I have to ask you a very serious question." Shirou's eyes narrowed seriously at Rider.

Rider sighed. "What?" She growled, clearly un-amused.

"Are you a friend of justice?"

"Is this some kind of a test?" Rider tilted her head with a clueless expression.

"RIDAH! ARE YOU A FRIEND OF JUSTICE?" Shirou roared to the heavens.

Rider unenthusiastically scratched the back of her head. "I… I guess so?"

"Then come, there is much I must teach you." Shirou ushered Rider to follow him as they left the grounds of the house and began walking down the street.

Meanwhile, Sakura's senses were tingling as she had super hearing when it came to certain words. "Come" was one of them. Struggling violently she managed to get to her feet, though her hands and legs were still tied and there was a ball-gag in her mouth.

"Mmmph mph mmphai!" Which roughly translates to "I'm coming Senpai!" and she started to hop her way out of the house passed a clueless Saber watching reruns of Iron Chef, staring at the TV with the utmost concentration.

_Later…_

"Shirou, what are we doing at the pier?" Rider asked as she sat on a bench next to Shirou who seemed to be intently watching the people passing by.

"Patience my young apprentice, we must stalk our prey before we exact justice upon them." Shirou said in the best ancient, stoic way he could think off.

Rider sighed. "If you wanted to go on a date, you could have just asked me." She said as she crossed her arms, tossing her hair to the side.

"You still don't get it do you?"

"What exactly are you talking about?" At this point, Rider was getting frustrated.

"Do you see that man over there?" Shirou pointed towards the pier where a man in a Hawaiian patterned shirt sat smoking as he fished off the pier. Beside him lay beer cans filled with cigarette butts.

Rider squinted her eyes. "You're talking about Lancer, right?"

Shirou nodded. "Yes. You know him as Lancer, but he is an enemy of justice." He said while clenching his fist.

"Why do you say that? He is not hurting anyone." Rider watched Lancer, who just seemed to be absentmindedly fishing the day away without a care in the world.

"Only to the untrained eye. Do you see the destruction that lies around him? He pollutes the world with that crap!" Shirou growled.

"Are you talking about those beer cans? I am not sure I would call that destruction."

Shirou stood up from the bench. "Watch closely, and I will show you all that you need to know."

Rider sighed for probably the tenth time that day. "Fine fine."

Shirou began his trek over towards Lancer, but stopped at the start of the pier. Lancer was maybe ten yards or so away and he hadn't seen Shirou yet. Even whistling a jaunty tune as he stared out at the water.

Without a warning, Shirou began sprinting towards the unsuspecting Servant.

"ENEMY OF JUSTICE, YOUR DAYS OF LITTERING ARE OVER!" Shirou was about halfway there when Lancer started to raise his head to get a look at the idiot who was yelling at him. "RIIIIIDAAAAH-"

Shirou jumped into the air and extended both of his feet until his whole body flew along the pier like some kind of horizontal bullet of justice.

Lancer looked up. "What the fu-"

"KIIIIICK!"

Lancer's face was hit full force with the Ultimate Technique, sending him flying through the air and off of the pier into the water.

"Ooooh!" Rider had watched all this. Now she stood up as well and applauded her teacher, clearly impressed.

"Now Rider! Will you do it? Will you join me and be a friend of justice?" Shirou asked as he returned to her.

Rider nodded enthusiastically a wide grin formed on her face. "I will be a friend of justice and protect Sakura!"

Shirou grinned triumphantly and he and Rider shook hands. Ignoring the voice from somewhere off in the distance screaming "WHYYYY?"

Just then Rider's eyes flashed. "I see it! Another enemy of justice!" Rider pointed towards a restaurant where a tall blonde man was seen leaving it with several women in his arms. His hairstyle was unmistakable as were the large gold earrings he wore as he flaunted what looked like gold coins at the girls.

Shirou put his hand on Rider's shoulders and nodded. "Go and exact justice upon him."

Rider ran off towards the man without a word. Her speed was unmatchable for humans and therefore perfect for using the Ultimate Technique of justice.

Gilgamesh meanwhile was too involved in impressing the girls in his arms that he didn't even hear Rider approach until it was too late.

"RIIIIIIDER-"

"Who dares?" Gilgamesh turned around.

"KIIIIIIIIICK!" The girls screamed and scattered off leaving Gilgamesh reeling as he was hit full force with Rider's kick. He skidded to a halt on the street and was successfully knocked unconscious.

Rider stood up triumphantly and tossed her hair over her shoulder. Shirou gave her a thumbs up in approval. Walking forward and picking up some of the loose gold on the ground Shirou turned back to Rider.

"What do you say we go get dinner somewhere?" Shirou asked with a wide smile.

"Shirou!" He turned upon hearing someone call his name.

"Aw shit. How the hell did YOU get here?" Sakura was running er… hopping towards him. Somewhere along the way she managed to get the gag out of her mouth, hence all the yelling.

"I'm sorry Senpai! Please untie me and I'll make it up to you!" Tears streamed down Sakura's face as she still hopped towards Shirou like some kinda of big breasted kangaroo.

"Emiya Shirou…" Rider's voice was shaking next to Shirou. When Shirou turned to look he saw Rider's body shaking with anger as well.

"Whoa there, calm down. It really isn't what it looks like…" Actually that was a complete lie, but he couldn't afford to have Rider pissed at him right now.

"You… ENEMY OF JUSTICE!" Rider roared.

"God dammit. SAKURA I BLAME YOU!" Shirou turned on the spot and began sprinting down the street as fast as his legs could carry him.

"RIIIIDER-" Behind him he heard Rider's footsteps perusing him, there was no escape.

"Senpai! Wait for me~!" Sakura pleaded as she hopped after the both of them.

"KIIIIIIICK!" Her voice rang out into the afternoon followed by a loud thud.

The people at the pier would long speak of the day that Friends of Justice came to Fuyuki.


End file.
